OPEN LETTER TO AN ANTI-GAY CHRISTIAN

I RECEIVED THIS (AND SEVERAL SIMILAR MESSAGES) VIA EMAIL AND I HAVE SEEN IT ON VARIOUS WEB SITES. I RAN ACROSS IT AGAIN TODAY. I THOUGHT MY READERS MIGHT ENJOY IT.

As Mark Twain wrote: "Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever."

Dear (Choose your favorite religious hypocrite),

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the Bible's other specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,

(Sign name here)

I attempted to find the original writer, but this has been passed around so much, it was an impossible task.

WHAT PEOPLE BELIEVE

Despite all the evidence to the contrary, we’ve recently heard about the growing number of Americans who believe President Obama was not born in the U.S. and is a Muslim, not a Christian.
I recently took a survey on the Association of Religions Data Archives which also brought up some disturbing statistics for me.
Some questions could be answered yes or no, but some had 5 choices from “always” to “never” or “strongly agree” to “strongly disagree.” Thus, unless one answered “never” or “strongly disagree” the respondent believed the statement to some extent or other.

The statistics are from a 2005 Baylor Religion Survey.

By answering the survey questions on the ARDA website, one’s own results are compared to the 2005 survey. The results come up in two columns, comparing others like oneself (age, gender, and religious affiliation) and comparing oneself to the entire study group.

Some results follow:

As reflected the in graph above, those who believe in:
God 89%
Satan 73%
Heaven 82%
Hell 71%
Purgatory 41%
Angels 80%
Demons 66%
Armageddon 55%
Rapture 49%
Ghosts 46%

Despite these high numbers of belief, when asked if they had experienced a miraculous, physical healing, only 31% said they had. Only 6% had a vision of a religious figure while awake and only 14% had heard the voice of God speaking to them.
Many people think God is slightly more involved in their own lives than in everyone else’s. While 85% think God is directly involved in world affairs, 86% think he is involved in their own affairs.
On the other hand, they think their own sins are of slightly less concern to God than other people’s sins. While 87% think God is angered by human sin, only 85% think he is angered by their own sins.
And, of course, there are those who believe that God favors the United States in world affairs (57%) and that God favors one political party in the U.S. (43%.) Gee, I wonder which party that is.
When it comes to the paranormal, 76% assume that science will discover Bigfoot & the Loch Ness Monster, 78% think places can be haunted, 65% think astrology impacts one’s life and personality, and 87% believe it is possible to influence the physical world through the mind alone.

Other questions were about abortion, sex, alcohol, pornography, stem cell research, consumer consumption, taking care of the sick and needy, and seeking social and economic justice.
I found it interesting that while 57% think it is important to convert others to their religious faith and 86% think it important to teach others their own morals, only 40% think it important to seek social and economic justice for others. These statistics are why I never donate to religious organizations, which (in my opinion) are often more interested in converting people in disaster areas (such as Haiti) than in helping the people with their basic needs. I gladly donate to non-religious relief organizations.

To take the ARDA online survey, click HERE.

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Religious fundamentalists alone are a huge popular grouping in the United States, which resembles pre-industrial societies in that regard. This is a culture in which three-fourths of the population believe in religious miracles, half believe in the devil, 83 percent believe that the Bible is the "actual" or the inspired word of God, 39 percent believe in the Biblical prediction of Armageddon and "accept it with a certain fatalism," a mere 9 percent accept Darwinian evolution while 44 percent believe that "God created man pretty much in his present form at one time within the last 10,000 years," and so on. The "God and Country rally" that opened the national Republican convention is one remarkable illustration, which aroused no little amazement in conservative circles in Europe.

--- Noam Chomsky

speech to the Library Information Technology Association

June 1992, San Francisco

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