06 April 2009

MORE BIBLE QUIZZES - when you need a good laugh

(click image to enlarge)

On a great parody web site, Landover Baptist Church, you can find numerous Bible quizzes on subjects as diverse as sex, women, science, logic, sin, creationism, diet, slavery, wrath, damnation, punishment, and the teachings of Jesus.

Take the quizzes to test your knowledge of the scriptures. At the bottom of each quiz you can click on the answers where you will find Biblical verses as references for the correct answers.

Hint for earning a high score ---choose the most ridiculous, horrific, antiquated, sexist, politically incorrect, cruel, inhumane, unscientific, or hilarious answer and it will usually be the correct choice.

Below are examples of several quiz questions:

How long is a woman unclean after the messy act of childbirth?
A. She is not unclean at all for childbirth is a perfectly natural and quite beautiful act.
B. The woman is unclean until the baby's umbilical cord is cut and the woman and baby are fully cleansed with soap and water.
C. The woman is unclean for seven days for any child she has.
D. The woman is unclean for seven days if the child is a boy, but she is unclean for twice as long if the child is a girl.

Did God order his early followers to honor Him with animal dung?
A. No. You honor God solely by following His commands and loving His son.
B. Yes. Before Jesus, people atoned for their sins by sacrificing animals and their dung to God. (But only if they burned the dung outside town.)
C. Yes. You can show your love of God by shaping cow dung into the face of the Virgin Mother. (But you must wear gloves.)
D. None of the above.

Why are there clouds in the sky?
A. Heat causes water on the Earth to condense and rise into the atmosphere where it forms clouds.
B. Clouds are God's footprints in Heaven and are made up of the dust from his feet.

How long can a person survive without oxygen?
A. Three minutes.
B. Ten minutes.
C. Thirty minutes.
D. Three days.

If you retain the services of a prostitute, but are careless and impregnate her, what should you do for her in return?
A. Nothing. Prostitution is a sin that makes the woman equally culpable for the pregnancy.
B. Pay child support until the woman marries or the child reaches the age of maturity, whichever comes earlier.
C. Kill the Godless whore! (particularly if you find out she’s a relative).
D. None of the above.

What does God foresee happening to those who make predictions about what God will do?
A. If their predictions are accurate, they are likely to earn a good living.
B. They will be rewarded in Heaven with riches unthinkable to mere mortals for spreding God's message.
C. Their parents will kill them.
D. None of the above.


Find another Bible quiz from the Freedom From Religions Foundation HERE.

Quiz Answers: D, B, B, D, C, C

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