06 June 2009

THE RAPTURE

























END TIMES
Despite Jesus's saying that the end would occur before the death of the last Apostle (Matthew 16:28), "The Rapture" has been predicted time and again over the past 2000 years, with each generation of Christians believing it was going to happen within the current generation's lifetime.
Jehovah's Witnesses set the end year as 1874, then (oops!) 1914, and then (oops!) 1975. Wrong. The founders preached that the "Catching Away" would happen within the lifetimes of the founders. Wrong again.
Several decades ago, during one sect's specific prediction of the imminent Rapture, Madalyn Murray O'Hair (founder of American Atheists) made an announcement that, if the Rapture occurred, members of the American Atheists would adopt the pets which were left behind. Obviously, they didn't have to take in even one abandoned pet.
James Randi (illusionist, The Amazing Randi) published "Forty-Nine End-of-the-World Prophecies ----That Failed" in Appendix II of his book An Encyclopedia of Claims, Frauds, and Hoaxes of the Occult and Supernatural.
Many people beieve that when The Rapture occurs, believers will vanish from the earth and instantly be taken up into heaven.
On an Amazon.com review of the book Are You Rapture Ready? reader g notcold commented: "I picked this book up by accident and I loved it. Crazy people are funny. But they're even funnier when they seem to take themselves seriously." S.G."bigtime reader" wrote: "People floating up to heaven when the end times come, saved by the Lord while everybody left behind will fry....what a crock! I think there is some mental illness going on here. "
And W. Christie wrote: "This book fails to answer a basic question many Christians have: what if it isn't a convenient time to Rapture? For example, everytime I sit on the toilet, I say "Please, God, don't take me now! I've been constipated 6 days, and here on the 7th I'm about to lose 10 pounds, so don't take me flying until I'm done". Other people ask about what happens if the Rapture occurs while they are having "marital interactions" (there is no sin in the marital bed). I can't picture my wife and me floating up to heaven naked and intertwined like pretzles! I think the book should have given us more tips on how to be ready for Rapture, and whether God will make allowances for sitting on the pot or on our wife's face! We do keep rain coats and umbrellas in all rooms and in the car, in case we are Raptured during a winter storm."

WHAT WAS FALWELL SMOKING?
Jerry Falwell described The Rapture this way:
"You'll be riding along in an automobile. You'll be the driver perhaps. There'll be several people in the automobile with you, maybe someone who is not a Christian. When the trumpet sounds, you and the other born-again believers in that automobile will be instantly caught away ---you will disappear, leaving behind only your clothes and physical things that cannot inherit eternal life... Other cars on the highway driven by believers will suddenly be out of control and stark pandemonium will occur...on every highway in the world." (as quoted in The Mighty and the Almighty, Madeleine Albright, p.155 footnote.)
Falwell met his maker on May 15, 2007 at age 73. Apparently, he missed The Rapture.


Sorry, I just couldn't resist adding this video clip to this post:




The book advertised below Beam Me Up, Jesus is subtitled, "A Heathen's Guide to the Rapture" and is a humorous take on rapture mythology.


5 comments:

Snowbrush said...

I loved the Falwell quote--and if text-messaging wasn't causing enough problems.

Marilyn O'Hair did love animals.

Secret Rapture said...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions! The Secret Rapture soon, by my hand! Stay tuned!
Read My Inaugural Address
At = http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman

Anonymous said...

"TRIBULATION INDEX" becomes "RAPTURE INDEX"

For 18 centuries all organized churches and all official Christian theology embraced the "Tribulation Index" (that is, the essence of it without using the label). In recent years a Nebraska "rustler" has been changing it into the "Rapture Index." For more info Google "The Rapture Index (Mad Theology)" and "Open Letter to Todd Strandberg." For some background on "rapture rustling" read "Pretrib Rapture Dishonesty" on the "Powered by Christ Ministries" site. But, pardner, you'd better take some tranquilizers before you lasso any of the above items!

(submitted by Liz)

C Woods said...

I'm not really sure what to think about the previous 2 comments. I'm sure the Secret Rapture is tongue in cheek, but the other sites (recommended by Anonymous) sounds like they take the rapture seriously, which makes the web sites rather humorous. I was scratching my head. They claim that the European Union is the reunited Roman Empire. It also relates everything happening today from unemployment to the economy as sure signs of End TImes. I got bored after about five minutes (I've heard most of it before), so if anyone else wants to check out those sites and tell me what you think, I'd appreciate your comments.

Secret Rapture said...

Hey C Woods:

Quoting from my Address:

You think I'm joking, but I'm not!

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